Soulmates: Do They Exist?

Recently I came across this post, and I was intrigued because the concept of soulmates had been going through my mind for a bit. 

Carol and I were married for many years, and although there was great love there, we didn’t have the notion that we were each other’s soulmates, perhaps because there wasn’t an immediate spark.  She used to like to point out the fact that, before we met, she used to come to many of our concerts, and I would never see her, even at times when I’d walk right past her.  Her favorite instance was a party at our band’s singer’s house.   It wasn’t a big house, and there weren’t more than 30 people there, but even then, I never saw her there.

I do know the first evening we talked I thought about how much I enjoyed talking to her.  Did I walk away thinking I found my soulmate?  No, and I’m sure she didn’t either.  (Don’t get me wrong.  We did really love each other, and we were both sad when we realized it was time to part ways.)  I don’t know, but back then I didn’t really subscribe to the idea of a soulmate.  For years I didn’t, but I’ve been feeling something lately that has me wondering.

Having this feeling, I reached out to a number of people, both single and married, to hear their thoughts on whether soulmates exist or not.  It should come as no surprise that most single people have an idea that their soulmate is out there and hope to one day connect. 

As for the married folk, a majority say that they did not view their spouse as a soulmate when they first met, but as the years have passed in their marriage, they have come to realize they’re with the one they should be.  It feels to me as if they don’t want to admit that their spouse is not their soulmate.  That’s fine, because a lot of people don’t believe in soulmates, and also, because when you love someone and they love you back, it doesn’t matter about anyone else.

There were exemptions.  There were a few couples that said that they knew they were meant to be together the moment they connected. 

In talking with one individual, I was asked my thoughts on soulmates.  I told him that lately I’ve been feeling that there’s someone out there, and it’s a feeling that runs deep, beyond logic. 

I said, “I don’t want to overly romanticize this, but I feel like someone is out there, that she and I have been together since before time began, before the world was made.  Throughout the ages, we’ve been together, and have had times apart.  She’s been my crutch, and I’ve been her stretcher.  I’ve leaned on her when I’m weak, and when she’s been weak, I’d carry her, and it feels like that, at this moment in time, we’ve both been too weak to get to each other.”

After he commended me on a job well done in not overly romanticizing it, he asked if I’d know it the moment I met her.  I answered that I honestly didn’t know if I would. 

“If she’s your soulmate, wouldn’t you know it almost immediately?” he asked.

It’s a valid question, but it’s one posed to a nebulous subject.  I’m guessing that, based on the definition of soulmate, the answer to the question would be yes, but the very existence of soulmates is still in question.  Just because you feel a connection with someone doesn’t necessarily make them your soulmate. 

He then asked “Have you ever felt that kind of connection?” 

I answered him by saying that I did once, and it surprised me immensely.   It felt like I had met a kindred spirit, that she would understand me just as well as I’d understand her.  It felt like that, not only were we on the same page but, we were on the same paragraph, the same sentence.  For a few moments there, I thought, “Oh my God, have I actually connected with my soulmate?”

He asked me what happened, and I said that she told me that us being together wasn’t much of a win for her.  It was then that I realized I had erred ever so slightly in thinking I had possibly found my soulmate.

He had a good laugh at that one, and I laughed as well. 
I said, “I loved the honesty.  It was like she knew me well enough to not play games and instead got right to the point.”

I told him that’s why I don’t know if I’d recognize my soulmate immediately if we ever met.  There could be that kind of connection, but if it’s felt by only one of the two, then obviously they would not be soulmates. 
Or could they be?  

Perhaps most of these married couples have realized over time that the person they’ve spent their life with is their soulmate.  They may have not recognized it immediately, but as their love for each other grew, they knew there was no else in the world for them.  They’ve realized that no matter the struggles, the arguments, the disagreements, the differences, the obstacles and setbacks, there is no one else they’d rather have by their side but their spouse.  Perhaps that’s the closest thing to a clear definition of a soulmate.

As this next stage of life unfolds, at times I wonder if it’ll be with someone by my side.  I get the sense that if I do find someone, she and I will work on a number of things together.  Whether it be me helping her with her vision, or her helping me with my vision, or perhaps there’s so much synergy it would be a shared vision, I can see us building things, creating things, writing, whether it be musically, scripts or books.  

I don’t know if I’ll ever find her.  To be honest, I’ve hardly even looked.  I’ve felt that if my soulmate is out there, they’ll be little effort to find each other.  The mentality is that God will bring us together and we’d need to have the wisdom to recognize it when it happens.  In light of past relationships, it might be difficult to reconcile that concept, but you learn from your failures and fallings. 

Do I believe in the idea of soulmates?  

Well, if you based it on my thoughts that I don’t really have to look and that we’ll somehow find each other, you’d probably come to the conclusion that I do.